Remember that song? I'm not sure who did it originally, but I love a version done by the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 1996. Before you go thinking, "Damn, that girl's got a great memory!" remember the powers of Google, Wikipedia, and the internet in general.
Anyway, I'm realizing that parenting is like a roller coaster -- filled with ups and downs. It is one heck of a ride, scary at some points, exhilarating at others. It's amazing to me how one day Ryan, Steve and I are a perfectly happy, stable, contented family, and our house is filled with peace and joy. And the next...I have to stop myself from slapping her and punching him. Now again, before you go thinking, "Damn, that girl's violent!" keep in mind that I have never actually slapped or punched anyone. I talk a good game, but I am all talk and no action. (To my sisters, Lora, Sheryl, and Jennifer, if you are reading this, I don't count all the girl fights with you!)
This past weekend, Ryan was a pistol. A handful. More than a handful. In fact, I couldn't handle her at all. I was literally speechless and had no idea what to do. My bag of tricks had been done and not one worked. I lost my temper, finally, and yelled at her. That worked. Great. But then I felt like crap for yelling at her. So I sat down on the floor, said, "Come here, Ry. I want to tell you something. Number one, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have done that." I had a number two, which I can't remember now, but Ryan interjected with, "Number one, I'm sorry I spilled my milk and wasn't a good listener."
Wow. What a powerful moment. Out of some crappy parenting moments, some bright rays of sunshine. That stopped me in my tracks. The anger just deflated and I felt like I could breathe again. She climbed onto my lap. We hugged and kissed and vowed to do better and darn it, she's upheld her end of the bargain. Peace reigns. At the moment. For the moment. I am quite sure she will get a bug up her 31/2 year old butt soon and decide to drive me nuts again. And I am quite sure there will be plenty more moments where I have absolutely no idea what to do, but at least I know that underneath it all, there is love.
Is the roller coaster ride worth it? I think so. I am always nervous, giddy with excitement, anxious, before I get on a real roller coaster. I am convinced I'm going to plunge to a grisly death. But when I'm over, it is adrenaline pumping and I want to do it again. So how does my metaphor line up with being a mom? I was nervous, anxious, excited to be a mom. I've often thought she's going to be the death of me yet. But I would definitely do it all over again. Being Ryan's mom is worth the ride.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Stop judging each other, moms!
Because it's just not helpful. Lest you feel puzzled as to why I bring this up today, let me tell you.
I love to read. I read a lot. I get several magazine subscriptions each month. Most of them are about health, fitness, and how to shape your life. Except one. Us Weekly. Oh, yeah, I like my trash.
Each week there's a page of quotes uttered by celebrities. I'm not exactly sure of their purpose, but they usually amuse or enlighten in some way. At the very least, they offer insight into the minds of some overpaid people. This week, one really rankled me. Christina Applegate was responding to why she hadn't lost all of her baby weight. A stupid question, and a rude one at that, but her reply went a little something like this -- those girls, instead of spending time with their babies, are on a treadmill. Hmmm...
At first I thought, right, that's what you do. Watch what you eat and exercise. But then I realized that the unsaid implication is that "those girls" are lesser moms because they *gasp* exercise! Then my mind went to criticizing her, "Well, she's just making excuses for why she didn't lose weight."
And then I stopped myself. The whole reason I started this blog was to share experiences in a safe, nonjudgmental arena. I don't want to be judged by others and I should definitely keep my judgments to myself. (*Disclaimer --I hope you know I am not suggesting in any way that we support people who neglect or abuse their kids physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or any other way. I actually don't know anyone who does that. Unless you count parents of some students! Do you? If so, refrain from judging, then call CPS.)
I love Christina Applegate, but I don't think her comment is fair, and neither was my internal comment. Not one of us has any idea what other women go through. We heap enough abuse on ourselves; we certainly don't need anyone else's help.
Why do we like to make ourselves feel like we're a "better" parent if we do or don't do something? I guess it's human nature, but although we may feel superior for a few minutes, we're really not. To quote John Lennon, "Imagine." Imagine what it would be like if we all supported each other and raised each other up. We don't have anything to lose by that. We would only become stronger. Imagine a world full of strong moms who have each other's backs. Imagine their happy, healthy children.
The moms I know are great. I learn from them and I hope they maybe gain something from me, too. We all make mistakes. I make them on a daily basis! But what I need and I bet other moms do too is to have someone to listen to them. A sympathetic ear can change everything. When I need or want advice, I ask for it. More than anything, I need to know I'm not alone in this job. I deliberately used the word job because it is work. A huge part of parenting is not fun.
The sooner we come to that realization, accept it, and embrace it -- yes, embrace it -- the better off we'll all be. Maybe we won't be skinny and lose all the baby weight, but we could gain the support of each other and self-acceptance.
I love to read. I read a lot. I get several magazine subscriptions each month. Most of them are about health, fitness, and how to shape your life. Except one. Us Weekly. Oh, yeah, I like my trash.
Each week there's a page of quotes uttered by celebrities. I'm not exactly sure of their purpose, but they usually amuse or enlighten in some way. At the very least, they offer insight into the minds of some overpaid people. This week, one really rankled me. Christina Applegate was responding to why she hadn't lost all of her baby weight. A stupid question, and a rude one at that, but her reply went a little something like this -- those girls, instead of spending time with their babies, are on a treadmill. Hmmm...
At first I thought, right, that's what you do. Watch what you eat and exercise. But then I realized that the unsaid implication is that "those girls" are lesser moms because they *gasp* exercise! Then my mind went to criticizing her, "Well, she's just making excuses for why she didn't lose weight."
And then I stopped myself. The whole reason I started this blog was to share experiences in a safe, nonjudgmental arena. I don't want to be judged by others and I should definitely keep my judgments to myself. (*Disclaimer --I hope you know I am not suggesting in any way that we support people who neglect or abuse their kids physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or any other way. I actually don't know anyone who does that. Unless you count parents of some students! Do you? If so, refrain from judging, then call CPS.)
I love Christina Applegate, but I don't think her comment is fair, and neither was my internal comment. Not one of us has any idea what other women go through. We heap enough abuse on ourselves; we certainly don't need anyone else's help.
Why do we like to make ourselves feel like we're a "better" parent if we do or don't do something? I guess it's human nature, but although we may feel superior for a few minutes, we're really not. To quote John Lennon, "Imagine." Imagine what it would be like if we all supported each other and raised each other up. We don't have anything to lose by that. We would only become stronger. Imagine a world full of strong moms who have each other's backs. Imagine their happy, healthy children.
The moms I know are great. I learn from them and I hope they maybe gain something from me, too. We all make mistakes. I make them on a daily basis! But what I need and I bet other moms do too is to have someone to listen to them. A sympathetic ear can change everything. When I need or want advice, I ask for it. More than anything, I need to know I'm not alone in this job. I deliberately used the word job because it is work. A huge part of parenting is not fun.
The sooner we come to that realization, accept it, and embrace it -- yes, embrace it -- the better off we'll all be. Maybe we won't be skinny and lose all the baby weight, but we could gain the support of each other and self-acceptance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)