Remember that song? I'm not sure who did it originally, but I love a version done by the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 1996. Before you go thinking, "Damn, that girl's got a great memory!" remember the powers of Google, Wikipedia, and the internet in general.
Anyway, I'm realizing that parenting is like a roller coaster -- filled with ups and downs. It is one heck of a ride, scary at some points, exhilarating at others. It's amazing to me how one day Ryan, Steve and I are a perfectly happy, stable, contented family, and our house is filled with peace and joy. And the next...I have to stop myself from slapping her and punching him. Now again, before you go thinking, "Damn, that girl's violent!" keep in mind that I have never actually slapped or punched anyone. I talk a good game, but I am all talk and no action. (To my sisters, Lora, Sheryl, and Jennifer, if you are reading this, I don't count all the girl fights with you!)
This past weekend, Ryan was a pistol. A handful. More than a handful. In fact, I couldn't handle her at all. I was literally speechless and had no idea what to do. My bag of tricks had been done and not one worked. I lost my temper, finally, and yelled at her. That worked. Great. But then I felt like crap for yelling at her. So I sat down on the floor, said, "Come here, Ry. I want to tell you something. Number one, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have done that." I had a number two, which I can't remember now, but Ryan interjected with, "Number one, I'm sorry I spilled my milk and wasn't a good listener."
Wow. What a powerful moment. Out of some crappy parenting moments, some bright rays of sunshine. That stopped me in my tracks. The anger just deflated and I felt like I could breathe again. She climbed onto my lap. We hugged and kissed and vowed to do better and darn it, she's upheld her end of the bargain. Peace reigns. At the moment. For the moment. I am quite sure she will get a bug up her 31/2 year old butt soon and decide to drive me nuts again. And I am quite sure there will be plenty more moments where I have absolutely no idea what to do, but at least I know that underneath it all, there is love.
Is the roller coaster ride worth it? I think so. I am always nervous, giddy with excitement, anxious, before I get on a real roller coaster. I am convinced I'm going to plunge to a grisly death. But when I'm over, it is adrenaline pumping and I want to do it again. So how does my metaphor line up with being a mom? I was nervous, anxious, excited to be a mom. I've often thought she's going to be the death of me yet. But I would definitely do it all over again. Being Ryan's mom is worth the ride.
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