Because it's just not helpful. Lest you feel puzzled as to why I bring this up today, let me tell you.
I love to read. I read a lot. I get several magazine subscriptions each month. Most of them are about health, fitness, and how to shape your life. Except one. Us Weekly. Oh, yeah, I like my trash.
Each week there's a page of quotes uttered by celebrities. I'm not exactly sure of their purpose, but they usually amuse or enlighten in some way. At the very least, they offer insight into the minds of some overpaid people. This week, one really rankled me. Christina Applegate was responding to why she hadn't lost all of her baby weight. A stupid question, and a rude one at that, but her reply went a little something like this -- those girls, instead of spending time with their babies, are on a treadmill. Hmmm...
At first I thought, right, that's what you do. Watch what you eat and exercise. But then I realized that the unsaid implication is that "those girls" are lesser moms because they *gasp* exercise! Then my mind went to criticizing her, "Well, she's just making excuses for why she didn't lose weight."
And then I stopped myself. The whole reason I started this blog was to share experiences in a safe, nonjudgmental arena. I don't want to be judged by others and I should definitely keep my judgments to myself. (*Disclaimer --I hope you know I am not suggesting in any way that we support people who neglect or abuse their kids physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or any other way. I actually don't know anyone who does that. Unless you count parents of some students! Do you? If so, refrain from judging, then call CPS.)
I love Christina Applegate, but I don't think her comment is fair, and neither was my internal comment. Not one of us has any idea what other women go through. We heap enough abuse on ourselves; we certainly don't need anyone else's help.
Why do we like to make ourselves feel like we're a "better" parent if we do or don't do something? I guess it's human nature, but although we may feel superior for a few minutes, we're really not. To quote John Lennon, "Imagine." Imagine what it would be like if we all supported each other and raised each other up. We don't have anything to lose by that. We would only become stronger. Imagine a world full of strong moms who have each other's backs. Imagine their happy, healthy children.
The moms I know are great. I learn from them and I hope they maybe gain something from me, too. We all make mistakes. I make them on a daily basis! But what I need and I bet other moms do too is to have someone to listen to them. A sympathetic ear can change everything. When I need or want advice, I ask for it. More than anything, I need to know I'm not alone in this job. I deliberately used the word job because it is work. A huge part of parenting is not fun.
The sooner we come to that realization, accept it, and embrace it -- yes, embrace it -- the better off we'll all be. Maybe we won't be skinny and lose all the baby weight, but we could gain the support of each other and self-acceptance.
No comments:
Post a Comment